It’s rules to ride by. It’s the snowboarder’s cultural guidebook.
Rule 1: Never call last run.
Rule 2: A speed check is still a speed check, even if you call it a setup turn.
Rule 3: More flair = less ability.
Rule 4: Only news anchors use the nickname “Flying Tomato.”
Rule 5: You can always go faster.
Rule 6: Your board and shoulder should never make contact on the walk to the slopes.
Rule 7: “Dropping next” only goes one rider deep–there is no “dropping after next.”
Rule 8: One pair of long johns per season is perfectly acceptable. Not washing that pair is not.
Rule 9: All sports by definition are action sports.
Rule 10: Dropping names dilutes your slope cred by 50 percent.
Rule 11: Self-respecting snowboarders never refer to themselves or snowboarding as “extreme.”
Rule 12: Snow reports are always measured where the snowdrifts are the deepest.
Rule 13: Always subtract two inches for every six reported on a resort’s snow phone.
Rule 14: It’s never cool to one-up your homey.
Rule 15: Don’t steal from snowboarders.
Rule 16: There’s a fine line between being really funny and really annoying in the liftline.
Rule 17: Getting slashed is good luck, so don’t get bummed.
Rule 18: Going snowboarding on opening day regardless of the conditions will increase your odds of scoring powder that season.
Rule 19: Every shop has at least one guy that’ll vibe the shit out of you.
Rule 20: If you didn’t help build it, don’t hit it.
Rule 21: Hike. It’ll always be worth it.
Rule 22: Keep your first-chair accomplishments to yourself.
Rule 23: Never say you’re sick of powder.
Rule 24: Riding in the rain is always more fun than it sounds.
Rule 25: Don’t feel embarrassed about dressing up in all your gear in your bedroom in August.
Rule 26: Only piss off of the chairlift if you’re riding up alone.
Rule 27: Never ride in the trees without goggles–stick in eyeball, not fun.
Rule 28: Don’t let the waxing iron smoke.
Rule 29: Always pick up hitchhikers carrying snowboards.
Rule 30: Scraping wax off your board and onto the snow is bad. Wax off into the trash.
Rule 31: If it hurts to walk, don’t go ride.
Rule 32: Ignorance to snowboard fashion is a virtue.
Rule 33: Be cool to the groms, soon they will school you.
Rule 34: Don’t lean on the shovel, dig?
Rule 35: Remember-man strength sets in at 30. You ain’t done yet.
Rule 36: Have some dignity: ollie the “Slow” sign only if you know you can clear it.
Rule 37: You’ll never regret taking one more run, unless you actually call “last run.”
Rule 38: If you’re hooked up, hook up your homeys.
Rule 39: Bitter localism is for surfers. Ride past the tourists with your mouth shut.
Rule 40: Excuses are for the unoriginal. A spot isn’t played until every last trick has been done there. Keep at it.
Rule 41: If you borrow a friend’s board, don’t change the stance.
Rule 42: If Ski Patrol chases you, don’t get caught.
Rule 43: If Ski Patrol catches you, act sorry.
Rule 44: A snowboard lesson is the greatest gift one can give a newcomer.
Rule 45: Don’t smash skulls with the safety bar on the lift. Call it first.
Rule 46: Focus on the goal. For example, only stand in the liftline if you want to get on the lift.
Rule 47: Wearing your shred gear in the bar past midnight will increase your Core Score.
Rule 48: However, Core Score points will be deducted for wearing just your goggles.
Rule 49: Locals, don’t hate–the tourists leave lots of money where you live.
Rule 50: Don’t bite. Be your own snowboarder. Imitation is flattering, but everyone will be more impressed if you’ve got your own style.
Rule 51: Don’t post your sponsor-me videos online and then cry when it gets bagged on.
Rule 52: If you hear someone say, “Dropping!” pretend you didn’t hear and go.
Rule 53: Nobody else on the tram cares what happened to you last night.
Rule 54: Littering on the hill is asking for the slam of your life.
Rule 55: Don’t hit up a shop employee for advice and then buy it online.
Rule 56: Support your local snowboard shop. It’s more important now than ever.
Rule 57: If you see a pro rider on the hill, don’t ask them to give you something.
Rule 58: Never hit the big jump first run.
Rule 59:Wait for pedestrians using the stairs and handrails to pass, then drop in.
Rule 60: Your opinion on helmets only matters if you’re wearing one
Rule 61: Simply scraping your board sideways is not turning.
Rule 62: Leave tissue at the lift line. Save a tree and blow snot rockets instead.
Rule 63: Snake and be snaked.
Rule 64: Tindy and tailfish don’t count. Get a grip.
Rule 65: Know your limits: backing down from a jump or hit is wisdom, not cowardice.